Having a hard time forgiving someone? Or maybe you pass judgment too quickly? I’ve been guilty of both. And more.

It’s easy to be righteous. To blame someone else. To see the wrong elsewhere. Admit it, who likes to look at themselves as the problem? Surely not me.

I love this song I’m posting. It resonates strongly in me every time I hear it.

The song speaks of “the girls teasing laughter” … it reminds me of what Taylor’s gone through this year. But with a heavy heart, it also reminds me of the quick judgments I can come to about people … judgments made by looking at the cover and not what’s inside the book. But also judgments on someone’s motives, actions or non-actions.

In one way, I feel {un}forgiveness and judgment go hand-in-hand … and here’s how:

How many times has someone wronged us? Now how many of those times is it your perception of how you’ve been wronged? Based on a judgment you’ve made without knowing the full truth.

Then again, maybe you have a full-fledged reason to harbor unforgiveness. Maybe you know very well the absolute truth in the situation … it’s still so wrong to hold onto your unforgiving heart.

Do you know … forgiveness is more for the one who’s been offended, than for the one who’s done the offense? Think about that.

We think forgiveness is for the one who’s hurt us … but forgiveness is for us. That person may not even know what they’ve done to us, how they’ve damaged us or that we’re even feeling the way we are! Now think about that. I sort of have to giggle when I think of the many couple of times I’ve been angry at someone … unforgiving, resentful. And they don’t even know it!

When we harbor unforgiveness, we are letting someone else control our lives.

I think a lot of times, when someone has hurt us, taken advantage of us, or damaged us in some way … it’s like a debt has been created. And we want that person to pay. “They owe me.”

Or …

“If I forgive them, it’s like letting them know what they’ve done was okay. And it’s far from okay.”

Here’s what I know … when we’re leashed up to anger, unforgiveness and resentment … do you realize we are dragging that around through life with us? Dragging it around. Think about that. Think about how exhausting that must be.

Something else I know … all those feelings get in the way of living the potential God has intended for us in this life.

Here is a personal story of mine that I think helps put unforgivness into perspective. A person very, very close to me hurt me tremendously. A person I trusted with my life. I was devastated. Things were dealt with, I thought I forgave this person. I remember even saying, “it’s not that I want you to pay or anything.”

Wrong.

I wanted that person to pay in a big, big way. I wanted that person to know it. was. not. okay that I was hurt. And I absolutely thought, if I forgive you … you’ll think I’m okay with what you’ve done to me.

What happened?

I was hurt again. Five times I ended up being devastated by this person. During the last times, I remember asking myself {and God}, “How many times am I suppose to forgive?”

I was led to the scripture Matthew 18:21-35 and the parable of the unforgiving servant. Peter asked Jesus that very same question, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” And Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

That’s 490 times my friends.

We should be willing to forgive so many times that we lose count. It should be a habit. A lifestyle. No question about it, it’s just what we do. It’s what Jesus commanded us to do.

Not only that … but Jesus Christ came to this earth for the sole purpose of saving us. He died. On a cross. For our sins.

Seriously. If this man could hang on a cross for our forgiveness … we can’t forgive someone who’s wronged us? That’s just not right.

And maybe you’re saying, “but you have no idea what’s happened to me. You don’t realize what my father did. My mother. My co-worker or friend.”

You fear forgiveness will minimize what’s been done to you. You are not minimizing what happened, you are freeing yourself. You are giving yourself a gift that money can’t buy. Forgiveness. You are giving yourself the ultimate gift. You are giving the other person a gift … you are giving them the chance to change.

And you’re right, I don’t know what’s been done to you. But God does.

And God tells us to cancel the debt. To forgive.

So back to my story … With a lot of praying, faith, and trust in the Lord … I was finally able to truly forgive this person. Truly forgive. Not an easy thing.

The most remarkable thing happened though … when I finally forgave, let go of all the bitterness, all the resentment … I gave this person the ‘chance to change.’

Here’s the thing. When we hold on to the situation and try to control it ourselves, we’re not letting God do his job … his work.

We are not the judge. We have no right to even try to be the judge. The bible tells us over and over … judgment is for the Lord.

Sigh … this post is way longer than I’d intended. It’s just such a passionate subject for me. And again … this song is a great reminder for me … if we are the body of Christ, why aren’t we trying harder to reach, teach, heal, love, show …

“Jesus paid much too high a price, for us to pick and choose who should come …”

If We Are The Body {Casting Crowns}

It’s Crowded In Worship Today
As She Slips In
Trying To Fade Into The Faces
The Girls Teasing Laughter
Is Carrying Farther Than They Know
Farther Than The Know

{chorus}

But if We Are The Body
Why Aren’t His Arms Reaching
Why Aren’t His Hands Healing
Why Aren’t His Words Teaching
And If We Are The Body
Why Aren’t His Feet Going
Why Is His Love Not Showing
Them There Is A Way
There Is A Way

A Traveler Is Far Away From Home
His Sheds His Coat
And Quietly Sinks Into The Back Roads
The Weight Of Their Judgement
And Glances Tell Him that his Chances
Are Better Off On The Road

{chorus}

Jesus Paid Much To High A Price
For Us To Pick and Choose Who Should Come
And We Are The Body Of Christ

{chorus}

{chorus}

Jesus Is The Way

{some text in this post was taken from an ed young sermon that i used in a recent bible study}