These are the current words of my heart. And I know for sure I’ve got two daughters living these words right now.
Moving to a new place is something I’ll never take for granted again. Both when someone I know moves, or when I meet {or hear of} someone new to my own town.
I know three of the five of us are feeling quite lonely these days. For me, it’s okay … for the most part. I’ll feel much more satisfaction knowing and seeing my girls form friendships, than I would for myself to make friends. But I have to admit, when I see girlfriends having coffee, or sitting at lunch with freshly painted toes {pedicure slippers still on}, I can’t help but feel twinges of loneliness.
My heart though, hurts mostly for my girls. I’m so desperate for them, I actually asked a babysitter if she would mind if Taylor facebook friended her and maybe they could hang out. Embarrass much?
And then just when I think there’s light at the end of the dark tunnel … playdates for my girls … a sad, sad situation occurs that I’m still praying over. It broke my heart and left me reeling. And honestly … I’m pretty sure that I’m feeling the rejection more than my girl is … but man-oh-man, it just seems unfair. Not right. But let’s just say it’s given me the title for a new chapter “Google, God, and Me.” I naively thought we could start fresh with our move … but that wasn’t the case. Apparently the baggage follows.
And it’s left me thinking … how can we judge others? How can we? Before we even get to know someone, or their situation? It’s just not right.
If we are to be His hands and feet … we need to reach out. To embrace. To care.
All it takes is one act of kindness. Just one act. To take someone in one direction or the other. I believe we’ll have to answer someday as to which direction we pointed people in. I know when I see the “big picture playback” of my life … I want to see happy, loved, embraced and included people. I don’t want to see people that I passed by, or turned away.
Lord, help me to see the broken-hearted. Give me your eyes to see. Your ears to hear. Your heart to love.
Does Anybody Hear Her
:: Casting Crowns ::
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon’s ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She’s another two years older
And she’s three more steps behind
:: chorus ::
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she’s going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that’s tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
:: chorus ::
If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can’t see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her …
:: chorus ::
He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
Traci….love your blog, and this one in particular. I first heard this song when it came out a few years back. it struck the same cord in me that it has for you. at the time, my sister-in-law was staying at our house, along with a terrible drug addiction. i was at church for a mens meeting, and conviction overwhelmed me. i was not a man of compassion, my response [in my own mind] was “just get over it,” because i had no patience for weakness, lying, or excuses, and…i could not relate to the circumstance she was in….i asked two men to pray for me, and god answered that prayer.
i came home that night, and something in me had broken and changed. for the first time, i could look her in the face, speak words of encouragement, hug her, and tell he how much god loves her….how much i love her. i played this song for her, told her what god had for her in her lifetime that was good, and she wept with such deep sorrow, and appreciation. she was lonely, deeply hurt, has lived a very rough life….but god has a plan, sometimes we don’t want to wait, be patient, or silent-even. but His time is perfect.
read this today. “God’s wisest saints are often people who endure pain rather than escape it.” i know this may not help now, but one day, in your lifetime, and in HIS time…..you will grasp hold, understand what this is all about, and be a much better person….especially to others. blessings!
This post makes me sad, but I also really like it, especially your comment about it being everyone’s responsibility to “point others in the right direction”. :)
Big hugs for you and your family – I hope the real light at the end of the tunnel is not too far off.
Thinking of you in Chch, New Zealand. :)
I am so sorry the girls are going through this. It is very hard to be the new kid and make friends, but they are amazing people and I hope things turn around for them very soon!
My heart hurts because you & the girls are going through this. The fact that people are so quick to judge without knowing anything about you & your sweet girls makes me SO mad. I feel myself getting all “bowed up” (as Lee calls it) and I want to shout from the rooftop just how amazing y’all are. I want to protect you and defend you and make everyone see how incredible + inspiring you are but you know what…if they’re not willing to see past what they read + hear through the grapevine then they don’t deserve you. I know you’re lonely but don’t just settle for someone who looks to be a good fit. They may be able to talk the talk but if they can’t walk the talk then you should just walk on past them with your head held high. Love you my wonderful friend!
My heart aches for all of you. Especially knowing how hard it is to be the new kid, the new family who is trying to find your own way. It takes time, and it is SO difficult to be patient and take comfort in the present moment. Keep your heads held high, as hard as it can be; the only judgement that counts is the one before the Lord. Praying…
i hear you, and love you. and i’m wishing that could be us giggling away at starbucks :)
I am sorry to hear that people continue to judge what they don’t know but read about. I too thought moving away would be a new beginning…alas technology keeps us close but also brings along the pain as well. I know it will get better and I also know having a good close by would make it a bit easier. Wish I could be there to give you and the girls a hug…so sending it to you virtually~miss you much!
I am so, so so sorry. I hate the internet ~ for you, for this. Yes, it seems that in times of all-knowing information, friends will be the ones with the tender hearts and not the judging, gossipy, quick-minded ones. I hope that real soon you all meet people who are interested in you for you. I think deep down we all want friends who like us for who we are (I think I’ve cried at the Mr. Roger’s song ‘It’s You I Like’ before). Philippians 4:8 really helps me when I seem to be submerged by the weight of insensitive actions, just to get my mind out of the drivel that we unwillingly find ourselves in.
I know that feeling of heartbreak for a child. You are such a woman of strength and grace. I know that there are women there who will see you for who you are and love you for it. And for your girls, too, they will find true friends. I’ll pray that God will send you these new, true friends.
As a mom… That breaks my heart. It’s so painful to see your children hurt. I have 2 very sensitive girls and that is the worst when they feel rejected! Unfortunately this world is cruel! It’s not fair that people judge you before they meet you. I think you are courageous for going through what you did and doing it with dignity! Keep u head up!
Ohhh this makes me sad. :(
I am so sorry.
I wish we lived a bit closer!! I’d be all over playdates with you guys!
(((hugs)))
So sorry for your loneliness and for your girls who are hurting!!! Wish we were closer – Olivia and I would LOVE to meet up!!! Praying for you today!!!
Perhaps it will not ease the hurt you and your daughter feel now – and nothing excuses being unkind in one’s words or manner — but there may be some benefit in seeing this not as “judging” you or your daughters. Instead, perhaps it is a matter of parents taking precautions to protect their own daughters from a situation they can’t be sure to be safe. It is unfortunate that one person’s willful actions continue hurt so many in a such a long lasting ripple – but that is exactly why parents must be aware of where their children visit and work to protect them. That doesn’t mean that they judge you, and certainly not your daughters who are utterly innocent. They simply must make a judgment about the situation in the best way available to them at the time. Praying that all of you continue to heal and to find peace as the journey continues.
jane – to save readers eyeballs {and time}, i didn’t go into all the details … and for right now, try not to … there’ll come a time and place. but right now, i try to use little bits of what i’m going through to encourage others and to point them to His grace.
without letting me know i was googled, playdates were just canceled. i *assumed* i knew why and asked if they’d be willing to meet for coffee. they were. and we did. and i explained. i also explained i was just a mom … desperate to find normal for her girls again. i explained it was just me, my girls and our plethora of pets … i don’t know what the future holds, but for now, it’s just us. no threat in sight.
there were tears and understanding. promises of playdates and friendships.
i’ve since reached out, but there have been no responses, no playdates and no friendships. and that’s where my thoughts of judgement come in. confusion really.
i absolutely understand the need to protect one’s daughter. i’m living it. and it’s exactly what i explained to the daughter it affected {when playdates were suddenly canceled}. that those mommies don’t know us or our situation and it’s their job to protect their daughters. and so that’s why i went to meet with them and step out on a limb and try to explain.
anyway … i guess that’s that. just wanted to explain further …
Back again! Left you a “song” over on my blog today…hope that it encourages you, every time I hear it, it reminds me to lean on Him!!!
Hi Tracie,
Praying for you and the girls. You are stronger than you know and such an inspiration to me.
Kristine
Ah, all the harder to take. Peace to you.
Speaking from experience (12 moves; the last 4 with our beautiful children) I can relate to how a small act of kindness shown to the new kids (and mommy) on the block brings such great joy and hope for the future. Back in 2003, in our new town of 3 days, a very down-to-earth mother opened her home to celebrate the start of a new school year. She truly was able to make us feel welcomed as she opened the door (big smile and overalls on!). Your heart was big then and is even bigger now as you continue your walk with God. I pray that your girls and you will be shown the same kindness as you did for us in 2003. Praying for you all!
Oh my heart just hearts for you and your girls. I am going to be praying for you MORE often! I am so glad you have Jesus to lean on! I am so sorry that he is refining and sharpening you in this way. Thank you for your blog. So real. So encouraging!
Okay, I follow your blog, long time reader, totally not into commenting & co-mom’d it at the ‘other’ school with you.. My initial thoughts, prob not so appropriate..
I would ache so much if someone judged before they new my babies… How dare them, really. Our experiences make us who we are. Some of those experiences involve perpetrators, that doesn’t make us a horrible person or by any means a perpetrator ourselves. Sadly some of us have a clue of clue about how junky your situations feels, but are lucky enough not to have it on the front page. This is a crazy deep hurt and what you thought you knew at the begining or realized later and felt in the middle changes day by day and so those judging your decisions are obviously those who don’t have a clue. And pfft to them.. You lived here moved across the country to there, if that isn’t protecting your littles, what is?
But seriously, you’re Tracie.. My parties, rock, yours make me cry with pure jealousy! Throw a party, throw the best darndest party those kids and mommas will be talking about for oodles of time to come… Then for my own selfish reasons post photos!!!
I moved far from Oak Creek, under difficult circumstances. At the time, I was young and naive, and struggling to start a new life in a new place. I can remember, vividly, the day that changed my life, and the person I met that day. It was very rainy, and I was stuck at home in my apartment with my 2 year old. Going crazy, feeling like it was too much work to go to the mail box to check my mail. But my mom told me, think of one thing each day that you need to do to get out of your house. Whether it is go to the post office, or the store, or the gas station, do one thing every day to get you out. So I decided to take my son to McDonald’s playland for lunch. We arrived, and I went outside to sit alone and watch him play. As I sat, I saw two other women, who had a bunch of kids they were watching. They annoyed me with their friendship, I’m sorry to say. I felt very alone. But somehow, I struck up a conversation with them, and found out that they were friends who both had watched kids during the day, and were both from Michigan. We bonded, and talked, and one of them (Miss Shawn) ended up babysitting both of my kids (over ten years time) and being the person who changed my life. If I had not met her when I did, I may have given up on my new life and headed back home to my parents, leaving my difficult husband behind. One small thing, or kindness, can make such a difference. Miss Shawn is still a good friend, and came to my son’s graduation party. I tell her all the time that she was the person who changed my life, because if I hadn’t met her, or if I hadn’t let go of my feelings that day, I may have left my husband and taken my son and had a completely different life. Change is a scary, but good thing and you have to let yourself be open and available to new and different. You have one life to live, and I know how much you love your children, so don’t be afraid of your new place. You are a good person and you have wonderful children. Open yourself up to your new world and embrace it.
come home so i can give you a big hug…love you.
Tracie…so sorry to hear about the playdate situation…gosh, I wish we still lived close – Gabi and I would be soooo up for a playdate…anytime! Just keep in mind, those that matter don’t mind and those that mind, just don’t matter. Keep your head up and when you least expect it, God will send you an Angel to help with your transition…He’s done it MANY times for us…with our multiple moves and in our valleys of life. Praying for you and the girls, always <3
I feel for the loneliness and pain your family is going through. I would not be so hard on other parents. The act your husband is accused of is very serious. God gave us the greatest gift in the world children. It is our job as parents to model them and protect them. These parents are just protecting their children, just like you would do if you were in their situation. If they didn’t do that then they would not be doing their job. It is unfortunate that you and your child have to be effected but you also seem to be standing by your husband so you have to expect this from people.
Tracie – I just read this post and its a few days after your posting, but I am sorry that people can be so ignorant. I have a granddaughter who just turned 21 this month and was born with a rare brain disorder. She is in a wheelchair and has speech problems. She’s gone to therapy at RCOC since she was less than a year old and then went to Wadewitz school. She just finished Park and the capacity to learn stopped 3 or 4 years ago. Her Mom and Dad have done everything possible to help her to know a normal life. One thing my heart breaks for is how some people (young people) don’t even see her. They look right past her. She has such a large and caring heart for people. Mom and Dad take her to dances with other challenged people, she’s in Special Olympics, and now that she’s out of school, she’ll be going to a rec center in Kenosha a couple of times a week. She does have lots of friends, but she has challenges that other people her age cannot grasp. I’ve even gone so far as to say (to myself), I wish I could buy her a friend. I know that can’t happen, but she is a beautiful young woman with a heart of gold. I’m sorry that your girls have been hurt and you too!! Your daughters are so precious. Keep in contact with the old friends, move slowly, you’ve only been down there a couple of months, and there is an entire world to explore down there!! I guess through the internet, people find out things (unless you’re a Grandma, like me), but who cares. Its none of their business and do you want that particular person as a friend. Probably not. They wouldn’t be long time friendships — maybe in a couple of years when they are at a different point in their life, they will be able to see clearer. Just keep being the wonderful mother and leader of your pack!! That might be a good song to sing for the fun of it!!
You are doing a wonderful job with the kids. Bless you today and tomorrow, etc. etc.
Tracie –
You are such a kind person. People will be so lucky to call you a friend. Your friendship will be one of their greatest gifts. My parents always told me to be patient….the best friends take the longest to find.
Hugs to you and your beautiful girls.
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