Write. Whatever’s on my heart. I’ve been given permission challenged to write it.
Problem is, there’s so much on my heart, I don’t know where to begin. First off, it hurts. Secondly, it’s heavy.
I have a heavy, hurting heart.
Do I have permission to “go there?”
I realize I’ve been hacking-up-a-lung-hurts-to-talk sick for over a week now, and it’s also {sorry boys who might be reading} “that” time of the month … but sometimes my heavy, hurting heart gets the best of me. And right now is one of those times.
Sure, from the outside we look like we’ve moved on … we have no choice. We smile. And even enjoy life. But it doesn’t mean there aren’t deep, gaping, hurting wounds that desperately need to be healed and put back together.
For 31 days straight … I wrote about faith. I have faith. I believe in faith. I wouldn’t want to walk without it. It’s faith that keeps us going. It’s faith that keeps us strong. It’s faith that holds us together.
But it doesn’t mean we don’t hurt.
I walk a fine line here in my corner of the web. I love to inspire. But I also want to keep it real. And today … I’m keepin’ it real.
My children hurt. They’re not whole. Sure, they’re making friends … I’m making friends … God is truly meeting us in this place. We are blessed and I’m forever thankful for that.
But it doesn’t mean we don’t hurt.
Curt is constantly thanking me for “keeping the girls happy.” I’m constantly thanking God for guarding their hearts and minds.
But it doesn’t mean we don’t hurt.
Yesterday, I got a call from my sister asking if I was okay. You see, her sons were visiting us this past weekend and one made mention of the fact that he’s not sure how I do it. Kinda crazy cool for an 18 year old boy to be that aware! But yeah … he made note of the crazy I’ve got goin’ on over here and thinks I should have some help. {love you Seaner!} :)
There are so many things I want to share with you. So many things to talk about. But I can’t. Not yet. I will. One day I will.
Throughout the intricacies of this path we’re walking, God is showing me how He’s piecing it all together … and it’s beautiful. His show is always amazingly beautiful. Full of grace. Full of mercy. Full of blessing and … well … awesomeness.
Yes. God is most certainly full of awesomeness.
He is full of awesomeness :) and He passes it on to you. His Love fills up those cracks you feel in your heart, so that you can push on through… but He knows. i know. the hurt and the empty. and i keep praying for the strength of Him to keep you moving. He will care for your hurt and bring you beautiful… all at once. i pray that the weight fades this week and that something will outshine it… love you, sweet friend. xoxo
Amen! God is most certainly full of awesome, even in our pain and hurt! Thanks for sharing!
Dear Tracie: You have eloquently pointed out that we have to step back to see the marvelous patterns, textures, and glorious images that God is weaving into the tapestry of each of our lives. We can see from a distance, the dazzeling array of the golden, silver, and bronze metallic threads of different sizes and diameters that represent the special friends and loved ones, that He has brought into our lives at special times. Upon closer inspection, we see that these special threads were not ‘woven’, but actually were ‘stitched’ in by God, Himself. These were sewn in to repair tears and cuts in the fabric of our tapestry. He uses the smallest needle possible [to inflict the absolute least amount of pain], of purest gold, to stitch the wounds and tears in our hearts, back together, until they mend and completely heal. We look back and see clearly, that in our darkest and most painful of times, He was quietly repairing and restoring us into a new and even more beautiful creation. The scars never completely fade, but in seeing the Master’s ‘needlework’, they really don’t seem quiet so important. For you see, this is tangible, visable proof of our Father’s limitless love. Never forget that you are so very dearly and greatly loved. His grace is indeed, sufficent. Father, thank you for holding us in your hand.
My dear friend. As I was reading, I said it out loud and then you wrote it, “It doesn’t mean we don’t hurt.” Faith looks to Christ. Yes. But Christ hurt. He knows about that pain. Faith does not mean we don’t hurt.
One of the things that makes my head spin is that on the cross, not only did He take away our sin, but our hurt and sorrows too. He absorbed it all.
He is so tender with our hurting hearts. Praying that you feel His touch on yours today.
You are loved.
thank you for linking up. thank you for your honesty. thank you for being my friend!
No matter how much faith you have or how much you believe…we still feel pain, that is what makes us human. You do not have to go through this alone (do not feel like you have to). Call me anytime and not just for closet time either…sometimes we just need help with the day to day (trust me, I know this) and I want to be there for you even if it is just to grab the kids and give you some alone time…love you!!!
So true. Faith doesn’t mean we don’t hurt sometimes. Yet, God is so merciful with our hurting hearts. And you’re right – it really is beautiful.
I love the honesty that has come through thanks to the write it girl challenge!!! This is beautiful and a great reminder of God’s love for us!!
I love real. I love that you wrote transparently and authentically.
As I read, I felt your pain. I’ve experienced unimaginable pain, too. Like you, faith has held me and kept me from turning into a person I do not want to be.
I’ve worked hard to guard my son and support my husband. I’ve worked to the point my emotional barrel is barren. Can you relate? I think you can.
Just know, there is someone else out there who knows these feelings and is clinging to HIM, too!
Thank you for this post.
Visiting from Write It, Girl!
Hugs…big hugs. I love you and appreciate your candidness. Always praying for you friend.
I am soooo terribly sorry for your hurt and pain. I wish I could bottle up the biggest hug in the universe and send it to you!!! I know that GOD is working such miracles in you and your girls… I pray those miracles become more and more clear as each day passes. xoxoxooxox
Thanks for sharing your heart and confessing there’s hurt even within faith. That’s a core truth we need to live by!
By His Grace,
Lisa
http://www.moretobe.com
The same verse is mentioned on my blog post today, so I know the weakness you feel when it comes to surviving life!
He WILL provide the strength to get through every day!
I just happen to stumble upon your site.. and i’ve read this. im sure God has been working in you. remember that in times of hurt, God is most wanting to be with you. I’ve been hurt too and experiencing a lot of concerns lately, but God is just awesome to always help us fix things. Praying for you.
Sky
http://mercygrass.com
He’s full of awesomeness…. and don’t you just find that He’s spilling over in colorfulness too? You know, different temperatures of colors in our lives? The cool shades of blue that tug at our heart, and sometimes feel a bit lonely, so much so that they start to seem more of a vintage gray? Though they feel like a curse, in fact they are a blessing. Without the blues & grays, we’d not be able to comprehend the value & depth that super rich, enveloping-ly warm, rusty shades of weathered love truly feel like in our lives. And when the red overtakes the blue, it is oh so liberating! Then there’s the crispy, zesty greens of envy every now & then. Splashes of green over what used to feel perfect… or what just feels slightly out of reach for some reason or another? Occasionally the green hue of irritation comes along, and my- doesn’t it sometimes just feel consuming? Those greens definitely keep us on our toes. Shifting the balance from them blues & greens to the over-the-top, ferris wheel-worthy yellows of happiness that we long for is sometimes a tricky task indeed. But when we step back and look at the canvas of our lives, every stroke of each color, no matter it’s contrast against another, or blending with it’s neighbor is beautiful. It’s beautiful because we created it with the Master. His controlled hand is what brings it all together.
Love you. ::hugs::
i know you have a heavy heart…….. i know you are trying……. i know you love our God. thank you for letting us know that suffering and joy can go hand in hand.
love endures all things. faith, hope and love. and the greatest of these is love. God bless my stier-johnson family.
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Clicked over from Stephanie’s place, and I’m so glad I did.
Powerful and challenging words.
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