Pour out your heart like water
before the face of the Lord.
Lift your hands toward Him for the
life of your young children.
Lamentations 2:19
I started working when I was 15 years old. Even earlier, if you count my strawberry pickin’ days!
I had a great work ethic and prided myself on being proactive in every position I held.
I owned a business for 8.5 years, and expected that same work ethic from each employee I hired.
One of the stints I held was at MickeyD’s … personally, I think that’s one of the best places to solidify a great work ethic. It bothers me to no end, these days, to see McDonald’s employees stand by the soda fountain waiting for the beverage to finishing pouring before moving on to package up your fries and burger.
As an employer, I would sometimes use that analogy and tell my employees … I want you to be proactive … as that drink is pouring, package up the rest of the order … use your time effectively.
Okay, and granted, we were selling stationery … but I believe the same ethics can apply.
So if this is my core belief system why then, when it comes to parenting, am I reactive?
Intentional parenting is really about being proactive.
When it comes to the most important job I’ll ever have, shouldn’t I be taking the word proactive to the extreme?
How is it we tend to “hope” it all works out? I mean that in the fact of, we just go along day-to-day taking each day as they come.
Are we just “reacting” to parenting … or are we being “intentional” about our parenting?
Here’s the thing that I’m learning … if I don’t start being more intentional about parenting my girls … someone will.
The media, peers, marketing … even some of the toys and books they play with and read.
Alright … so the big question here. And honestly, I’m struggling to answer it even as I write this …
What does intentional parenting look like?
For me … and my girls … I believe first and foremost … prayer. Prayer, prayer, prayer. We should be praying for our children from the day they’re born. We should be praying for their future.
For schooling, careers {even if that means a career at home}, spouses, future families. And most importantly, that their roots are deeply planted in the Word and relationship with the Lord.
Secondly … I believe it means “teaching” before a teachable situation arises. So they’ll have no doubt how to handle difficulties when faced with them.
How should we “teach?” Daily devotions, scripture reading, prayer. Also communication.
How often are we talking to our children about their thoughts and feelings?
I know I’m forever guilty at the end of the day, of being so tired, I just want to skip prayer or devotion time with the girls.
But we can’t. We need to stay steadfast in these things.
Just as King Solomon said, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” {Proverbs 22:6}
And in Deuteronomy 11:19-20, we’re told to, “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.”
I’ve started having the girls write our weekly scripture verses on their bathroom {chalkboard} doors. They have 2 potty rooms. I love that they can see the scripture every time they walk in and out of the bathroom. And take a closer look at the reading material I’ve left for them … no, not the insect book! ;)
I also need to be better about leaving/writing scripture around the house … on the fridge, on their computer. Baby steps though. I’m excited about their chalkboards and we’ll add as we go …
I seriously get a little hot and sweaty thinking about the commitment this takes and how far I have to go.
I’ve got to admit, I think {so far}, I’ve been pretty lucky with the teen. I didn’t have any of these thoughts or convictions as she was growing. For that matter, I wasn’t the Christian I am today … so “teaching, talking and writing” the Lord’s commandments was the furthest thing from my mind.
I’m forever thankful that the Lord has instilled in Taylor these deep roots of conviction and values. I honestly have to say … I’m still failing at “training her up.” I seem to be spending most of my time and energy now on the littler girls.
I have great intentions … but having great intentions doesn’t necessarily mean it happens.
Dr. James Dobson, in his newly released book, Bringing Up Girls, has this to say, “How could I, and indeed, how could we allow ourselves to get so busy with the cares of life that we would neglect our vulnerable little boys and girls and leave them unprotected from evil influences? … And how could we send them into a dangerous world without laying a secure foundation to hold them steady? No other priority comes close to this responsibility to raise our children …”
He goes on to say, “I get a lump in my throat when I think of those precious kids who know so little about life, and I worry about how we can protect their innocence and preserve the joys of childhood. That is our task.”
That is intentional parenting.
This subject is hitting me to my very core. This isn’t the last you’ll hear about the subject from me. I look forward to continuing to share my journey of being the intentional parent my girls deserve and who the Lord created me to be.
I hope you’ll all join me … as I look forward sharing your thoughts and experiences. I’d love for us to grow together!
This post is linked up with Emily at Chatting at the Sky
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Beautiful post, Tracie. This is something that has definitely been on my own mind lately (especially as I read the Million Arrows book!). Sometimes I feel good about they way I’m parenting . . . other times, not so much. But I know I need to make prayer more prevalent with both of my kids, and not leave faith to something they get from going to (parochial) school.
Great post! It really hit home. You have given me LOTS to think about today! xoxo
This post is so convicting to me today, but in a very good way. I want so badly to be more intentional and even if it starts as baby steps, it has to start somewhere. Thanks once again for sharing your heart.
What a great post! Here’s what I love about the blogging world……connecting with other mothers who are striving to be the best parent they can be. Sometimes I feel like I have the only child who throws tantrums, but when others are so transparent I don’t feel as alone. Thanks for mentioning the book too! I was just looking at that on Amazon the other day. It’s on my wishlist.
Have a good day!
Beautiful! :) What a great way to remind them of their scriptures, too, by having them write them down. I totally recommend the book “Captivating” (and “Wild at Heart”) by John & Stasi Eldredge for some INREDIBLE insight into how a girl’s heart is captivated and cultured by her mother, her father, and her God. Best of luck with your girls. I’ve got a teen boy, a toddler girl, and an infant boy…so I am looking for all the resources I can!!!!
As the mother of a 16 month old girl, I so appreciate your words and encouragement to all of the mothers out there who are walking this journey of parenting. I just recently ordered a copy of Dr. Dobson’s book and can’t wait to read it!
i’ve been thinking about proactive/intentional parenting a lot this summer as we explore the option to homeschool in the fall and as we have an unplanned unstructured summer for the kids. i like the idea of having scripture written in various places around the house. thanks for this post.
Your words mimic what has been on my heart for about a year. Prayer is definitely the first step and the most profound way to remain in step with God. Thanks for this post!!!
I love your thoughts on this subject. My daughter received the book “Bringing Up Girls” in the hospital last week after she gave birth to Nora. It looks like a great read. Wish I had it when Rebekah was little. Thanks for your perspective. Parenting is hard work. If we’re lazy parents we will reap what we sow.
LOVE the scripture idea (especially where you had them put it…good to be in a place they see often, right?)
This just give me goosebumps!!! Just asking myself “I’m I being intentional or reactive” in the MOMENT of stress and challenge (and joy) is going to make a huge difference for ME! P.S. I adore your NEW PHOTO!!!!!
Just beautiful! I have a 2 yr old (as of today!!) and a 3 yr old and the challenge of parenting intentionally is heavy on my heart. What a beautiful post you have written!
And I love the chalkboard doors and bathroom reading materials! :)
Have you tried scripture on cd? One of my favorites is Seeds Family Worship – they are excellent and a group my husband and I enjoy listening to, as well as our boys!
Will read and reread this post! Love the chalkboard doors!!! Such great truths here Tracie!
One of the best books ever that I got my hands on was “Power of a Praying Parent” by Stormy Omartian! Its a must read and definitely necessary to have on your bed side table or in whatever corner of your house you do your praying! I’ve seen God answer numerous prayers while using this tool!
loved this post. needed to hear it. being proactive and intentional parenting is something i need reminding of. so, thank you.
:)
Oh, and I’m totally looking forward to the book “Bringing Up Girls”. Thank you for the link!
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