Warning: Grab a cup of coffee and get comfy!
I believe God has instilled His heart into every mother’s heart … and my goal in parenting my girls is to be so in tune to God’s heart, that He pours into mine … so mine can pour into theirs.
I’ve actually had this post {just the photos and the thoughts in my head} started back in March of 2010! It’s just been sitting here unfinished. I thought I might use it for a MODsquad post, but for some reason just never came about.
Until now.
The original post … or draft post … was titled celebrate their differences. Which I’ll be touching on … but I’m going a bit deeper than that.
Let me start back with Taylor … Taylor always struggled a bit in school, never wanted to do homework, did the bare minimum, didn’t like to read, can’t really tell time, hated math, and counted on her fingers until she was … well, quite honestly, sometimes she still counts on her fingers.
But starting back in third grade, I would bring my concerns to the teachers at every conference. “No, no … no worries.” I’d hear. “Every child learns differently and we like to teach to their individual learning styles.” Oh. okay. You’re the school, you’re the educators. I haven’t had experience in this before {and I, myself am not the sharpest knife in the drawer}, so alright … I trust what you’re saying.
Then comes middle school. I get a call … “Taylor’s not ready for regular algebra, so we recommend she start with pre-algebra … oh! and she also needs extra tutoring to learn her math facts.”
Awesome.
That set her up all wrong. Cuz the thing is … at her school, middle school was nothing but a glorified primary school setting. The students were grouped together based on, basically their learning levels … and went from class to class with that same group. So all the kids that weren’t ready for regular algebra were together. And later the kids that weren’t ready for 2 language classes were together. Or the kids that needed extra study halls were together.
So what I’m getting at here is … the kids that didn’t learn as well or as fast, and would eventually perceive themselves as “dumb” were all grouped together. While the kids that excelled, were all grouped together.
Okay … so we’re dealing with that.
Then comes Piper. There’s a seven year age difference between Taylor and Piper. And Taylor’s learning style and school experience is all I had to base anything on. So when Piper exhibited the same styles and experiences … which are very similar to my own … I didn’t think much of it.
‘Til Wynter came along. Wynter loved to learn. She loved to do homework. She went the extra mile.
The following project was given to her in Kindergarten. They had a blank book and 4 or 5 days to write and illustrate a story. She came home on the day it was assigned, sat down and finished the whole book until it was done. Cover to cover, every line filled with words.
Wynter also has a hunger to read. This photo was taken well over a year ago, when she was in Kindergarten and she’s pouring over a chapter book. Based on my experience with my other two girls, this blew me away! In first grade, Wynter was so far ahead that she read out of the reading program and was given special assignments to do.
And then when Hunter started asking to do homework and would sit and pour over her workbooks … my intuition told me sumin’ was up with Piper.
Taylor we had already figured out and she was on her own course. But up until that point, I hadn’t really realized something was different with Piper. And it was really when I spent a month homeschooling the girls in Exuma, I realized Piper was following in the same footsteps as Taylor.
When we got home from Exuma, I went to school and shared my concerns. We met with the teacher and the school’s learning specialist, who met with Piper and observed, watched … and then assured us all was fine. But I wasn’t so sure.
Then at the beginning of this past year … Piper’s third grade year … I met with the teacher within the first few days and again shared my concerns. I told them about Taylor and how she was now suffering and I wanted to do everything possible to save Piper from feeling the same way. Piper began to forget her homework at school. Her reading books at home. She’d forget to hand her homework in. Etc. etc. Again, I homeschooled them in Exuma, and again my concerns were validated. So I went back to school and raised the issues again. Again I was told Piper’s right on track and they found no issues.
Come to find out … there are issues.
I found an incredible school here in NC for the girls. In fact, it was my first stop, fresh off the plane, before we even looked at houses. It’s a pre-K through 12, college prep, Christian school. I figured the academic model was the same as their previous school, but we’d be adding the bonus of Christian values to their learning. When Taylor and I toured the school there were posters and drawings about God and His promises all over the school. Yes … yes, this is where they should be.
So … when we moved down, I had the girls spend a day shadowing at the school and then had them tested.
When I met with the headmaster to review the results … I was in for a big surprise. My mommy heart, or intution was right. Piper most likely isn’t ready to move on to fourth grade.
Hunter tested average and good-to-go! Wynter tested well above average. But Piper barely tested average.
My heart sank. For her. She’s taken this move the hardest and is feeling it the deepest. And I’m worried what this news might do to her little heart.
She’ll be going through some pretty extensive testing in the next few weeks, and through that testing, we’ll determine if she’s ready to move on or if she should repeat 3rd grade. Right now the school is holding a place for her in both 3rd and 4th grade.
I feel this is a blessing in a couple of ways … first, I’m so thankful that I’ve found this out now … the headmaster is one of the most kind gentleman and educators that I’ve met. His philosophy is that he doesn’t want to send a child on who would end up struggling. Not only academically, but almost more important … they’d be struggling with their inner-dialogue. I live this struggle every day with Taylor and it’s exactly what I was trying to shield Piper from. My desire {since 2nd grade with her} is to give her the tools to succeed.
Yes. Every child does learn differently. They feel differently. They react differently.
So what then, can we do to set them up to succeed? And as I’ve always said with Taylor … my definition of success is not a 4.0, or even a B average. It’s not a superstar career or a top 10 college. My definition of success for my girls is that they like who they are. They are comfortable in their own skin. They feel good about what they do. They try their hardest. We need to instill these definitions in our children … not perfection.
Going back to Taylor in 8th grade, when she was faced with bullying issues in school … I met with the headmaster … I met with the principal of the middle school … and I got no where. The principal suggested I homeschool her. And the headmaster actually gave me the name of a boarding school for her. He also shared a story with me about how he handled a situation with his daughter that basically ended with the thought that I needed to tell Taylor to buck-it-up and ask her “what’re you going to do about it?” He then met with Taylor and taught her a “look” … that she could use in the lunch room when someone pushed her or verbally bullied her.
Blagh … apparently some unresolved bitterness I’m working through.
Anyway … I trusted my mommy instinct and put her into a different school. That went better, but it wasn’t the answer. So again, I trusted my instinct {and leading of the Holy Spirit} and decided to homeschool her. Her old headmaster met with me shortly after that and again asked if I would consider boarding school for her.
Given what I know now of what Taylor’s been through the last few years … I am so thankful that I trusted my instinct. That I listened to my daughter … not necessarily her words {as she had few}, but I listened to her heart. I saw her heart was deeply hurting and I made hard decisions and choices to help get her through it.
So back to Piper … I don’t know what we’re going to find out with her. I don’t know if she’ll be moving on to 4th grade. In most ways, I’m thinking it’s best not to push her forward. Is this even the school for her? Maybe not. Will she get through this? Absolutely. It may be hard and it may hurt. But I want to do everything possible to set her up to succeed in this life. To be happy, and comfortable and confident in who she is.
So … the very long-winded point of this post? I’d like to ask for prayers for Piper … just to cover her with peace in whatever direction her education takes her.
And I’d also like to encourage you to listen to your mommy heart. God has designed you with it for a purpose. I encourage you to be so in tune with your child that you know WHO they are and WHAT they need. I was naive to think a strong education system and educators knew what was best for my daughter. I should’ve been stronger and stepped in and got her extra testing or pursued my suspicions further.
I’d also like to encourage you to celebrate their differences. Each of your children will be different. If one excels at one thing … don’t push the other to do the same. If one doesn’t get it as quickly, or in the same manner as the other … that’s okay. They’re not cookie cutters. God has designed each one of them different and unique. He’s given each of them special talents and gifts in all different areas. Our job as parents is to encourage our children to find WHO they are, created in Him. Who did He design them to be?
And let them glorify Him in everything they do in this life …
Piper’s situation has been on my heart for awhile . . . and I’ve been praying for the best possible outcome for her (even if the short-term is difficult!) I know that your Momma’s Heart is going to guide and protect your little chickies, and that they’re in the best possible hands!! Love you!!
i know first hand that mommas-heart feeling. cam. i asked for help in 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd & 4th. and finally, in 5th grade they gave in to my relentless begging and what do you kow? validation for the mommas-heart (at the exa t right time- that was the only teacher who ever thought i was crazy), and help for the boy with the biggest heart. his saving grace along the way was his hunger to learn. and look at him now. you know without my saying that there were hours of prayer poured over the situation… so i’m adding piper’s school-work to my prayers for all of you. and if you ever wanna chat about details, i’m here :) love you! xoxo
I think the confidence she would gain from being in the right class will help soooo much. And it really is the perfect time to do it, when switching schools & friends. My daughter has few words, too, like Taylor, but she loves to journal and I encourage her to pour out her thoughts. I really try to make an effort to be available to her. I have always said that she seems so hidden. While her brother is all out on the front page for everyone to see, very verbal, overachieving and funny. I care so much for her & sometimes feel like I’m not the one that can draw her out. But I have seen others do so, so I pray for those people in her life. Thank you so much for caring, for praying, for wanting them to be comfortable in who they are. Many prayers surrounding this & for you and Piper.
You are such an amazing mother!!! I love how you listen to your girls hearts! Sending prayers for Miss Piper!
My prayers are with Piper, you and your family. Well spoken Traci!
Heavenly Father, Fullfill every good purpose in Piper’s life and very act prompted by her faith, so that the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in her life. (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12) Amen
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
What a fantastic mother you are!!
I think it is one of the great problems of our education system right now that we teach to the mass versus addressing each child’s learning needs and styles. Even at the same “level” of learning there are so many different way children learn and I think our schools are too rigid in their methods to address these needs.
I hope the change of school, as well as what seems to be an openness to addressing the best placement for each child, is good for Piper (and the other girls) and that, no matter what, she enjoys school and learning and continues to discover the world around her in the best way for her.
And hang in there Momma!
I will keep Piper in my prayers!
Happy Monday Tracie, I held my youngest back a grade, he just wasn’t ready and I could tell, it made all the difference in the world. I almost wish I’d kept my older two home an extra year, it makes them a little older in high school and I think a good thing looking back.
Always follow what’s in your heart, I know when I haven’t done so It’s always been right and I get upset with myself for not doing so, my son has learning issues and we have found him a wonderful school and he is a different person but I had to go through a lot of tears, heart ache and stress to get to where we are now but it was all worth it and to see him now makes it all worth while we still have a way to go but we are on track. Please stay strong and go with what you know is right, and remember all children are different and get there in the end, Thinking of you all xx
thank you for the blessing of your words. I have struggles comparing my 2 very different children. My 7year old daughter who has a very different love language and language in general with her little 5year old brother. God led me to this particular post for a very real wake up call and I appreciate your candidness. May God Bless you all and all of your girls are in my prayers for success in everything they do.
I have to admit that reading this post, as an educator, and having been present for countless conferences like you are describing….it breaks my heart. I know first hand, that it takes an advocate, a “squeaky wheel”, if you will, to make change for a single student. I know that it takes a special teacher, administrator, or parent, to truly get what their child needs despite what the tests scores show. I believe that our school system is not designed well enough to support celebrating individual students to the extent that children today need attention. Tracie, I commend you for trusting your gut. I believe that you will find the solution for your daughter and you will look back and smile and say it was all worth it. It is a hard road, but you are on the right path. I will keep her in my prayers, as well as you–it is draining to want so deeply and feel that it is out of your hands. There is an awful lot of “red tape” and “hoops” to accommodating the needs of a student. It is truly unfortunate.
“So what then, can we do to set them up to succeed? … my definition of success is not a 4.0, or even a B average. It’s not a superstar career or a top 10 college. My definition of success for my girls is that they like who they are. They are comfortable in their own skin. They feel good about what they do. They try their hardest. We need to instill these definitions in our children … not perfection.” That right there personifies how I feel about my girls. The most pressing issue for me is to ensure that they LOVE THEMSELVES. Bravo, Tracie!
:)
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Another of your beautiful posts that has me crying. Oh T, I love how you write. I want to wrap you all in a huge bear hug, you & Piper especially! I’ll definitely keep Piper in my prayers. So happy you found a wonderful school for them!!
p.s. I knew Wynter & I were kindred spirits when I first met her but didn’t know why…until now. You just described me at her age :-)
Tracie, a friend recommend to me your blog. I love how honest and open you are about everything. You seem like such an amazing mother. Taylor sounds like a really special girl, I would really like to recommend a really amazing group called STLF or Student Today Leaders Forever. They have these amazing things called Pay it Forward Tours and an amazing summer camp for High School Students. My daughter recently attended their camp and she completely fell in love with it. The camp is all about working with others, being oneself, and self reflection. She told me it she has never felt more safe or loved by so many people before. I can tell this camp has really changed her life and attitude. I really wanted to tell you about it because I feel it would be a great experience for your teenage daughter.
tracie……. God does give us our intuition, doesn’t He? I’m glad she has you as a mom! love you and miss you.