I’m not so brave. I’m just trying to be strong.
I am not a fan of needles. I’ve come to co-exist with them, but I truly despise them. I absolutely can not imagine sticking myself with one … on purpose!
I’m pretty sick. Pretty much of the time. But I’m trying not to complain and trying my best to push through it.
And … I have no choice. So rather fight it, complain about it, dread it … I might as well embrace it. Right? Big sigh …
I think of my little friend Emily, who was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes in 2nd {?} grade. She has to poke herself all the time … she now wears an insulin pump around the clock. She gives me courage to be brave, to be strong.
Or my friend Lori, who’s last post was heartbreaking … but from it, she’s given me strength and grace I didn’t know I was capable of. In fact, I had a conversation with her at church on Sunday … thanking her for the strength she’s shown {at least on the outside} through her illness. It’s given me the resolve to face my adversity {no matter the adversity}, the same way. And my hope is, someone will someday feel the same way about what I’ve shown them.
After I last posted, I thought I would start my treatment right away. But it’s been a bit of a run-around with the insurance company and nurse line.
The good news is, if all goes according to plan, I should have my medicine here tomorrow. Then I can call the nurse line and schedule her to come out. I need to have my treatment in hand before they’ll even talk to me about scheduling her. I tried, covertly, to schedule before I had my meds … you know, try and hurry the process along. They had no part of it. Not even tears worked! My hope is, if the meds arrive tomorrow, I can schedule her on Thursday or Friday to come out.
Ahh … as you might imagine I have so many emotions and thoughts surrounding this. And I’ll share more later …
Right now I wanted to share something that hit me so strongly in church on Sunday and I thought it might speak to some of you as well.
You know the story of Job? Amazing story! Click here for a condensed, easy to read version. The jist of it is, God allowed Satan to do unspeakable, unbelievable tragedies to Job.
The lesson in this, and a twist to the story I hadn’t thought of before … God trusted Job with these trials. God knew a lesser man couldn’t handle it. You know the old cliche? God won’t give us more than we can handle? How many of you just rolled your eyes? Probably the last thing you want to hear when you’re in the midst of a trial!
But this is what I think … I consider myself privileged {if you will}, that God chose me to go through this trial. He’s trusting me to ‘handle it.’
There may be tears, and I may have weak moments.
But I think in the midst of our most difficult circumstances and trials, if we can remember that because we’ve been chosen and trusted with our situation … then I choose not to let my God down. I don’t want satan to rejoice … I want God to look him in the eyes and be able to say “I told you so …”
Amen?
You are one amazing woman Miss Tracie! Your outlook gives us all inspiration! Thank you for sharing.
Amen!
You are already an inspiration to more than you realize.
I don’t even know what to say Tracie – you are unbelievable in your faith and trust in God. But what can we do other than just that. You inspire me to be a better person and Christian…
Love ya
I can only echo what the other ladies have said . . . you are truly an inspiration to me and so many others. Your faith, your perspective, your grace — have all given me pause and given me the confidence to make changes to myself. So blessed to know you. As you start on this new medical journey, remember that there are a whole bunch of us here that love you. I’m a whole 2 minutes away, and would be more than happy to give you assistance and moral support at a moment’s notice. Honestly. ((HUGS))
You are brave…more than you know! And…when you have those weak moments (or sad moments or scary moments) know that God will be there to lift you up. We’re all here too…and we love you more than you know!
You are amazing Tracie. You are an inspiration to all of us.
You are absolutely correct! God only gives us as much as we can handle. You are truly one of the bravest persons I have ever met! If you need anything, I’m here for you as you have been for me.
You are an angel of inspiration and bravery! Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. I’m praying for a cure!! Love ya!!!!!
You truly are one remarkable woman. Amen!
Thanks for the post about OP;I look forward to working with Taylor and getting to know her better. But needed to comment after this post to say how much I admire the way you are approaching this difficult time in your life. There are always times when we feel like we might shatter into a million little pieces, but we find the strength to carry on. As a side note… For many months (while undergoing med changes), my son had to have monthly blood draws. He is terrified of needles. After some time, we learned to request the “butterfly needles” — they are smaller. Hope that might be an option for you?
Hi Mrs. Stier, this is Emily. I was scared at first when I was diagnosed with diabetes. But to get over my fear and to gain control over my life, I did exatly what you are doing now. praying. and now I sometimes even forget about it. I believe that you will be able to do this to because I know that you will never stop believing as we all fight through our problems.
I will pray for you to.
ok…. tracie and my daughter emily are both my heroes. i’m crying.