I’ve been wanting to write this post for a couple of months now … and then thought I’d do it for Taylor’s birthday, but that ended up passing me by {it was this past Wednesday}.
Anyway … Taylor left yesterday afternoon with her dad for their annual trip to Rolex and I’m already missing her like crazy! And I didn’t want to wait another day to put my thoughts down.
I’ve talked about Tay before and how much she means to me … but if you’ll indulge me yet again … I’d like to carry on a bit.
First off … this kid means the world to me and quite frankly … I don’t want to screw it up! I find myself in a pickle sometimes {yes … a pickle!}, in that I’d like to be mom … just mom. But most times, I have to be mom and dad. It’s fine and I’m doing my best. I realize these are the choices I’ve made {in divorcing her dad & giving her a stepfather}, but sometimes … it’s just plain hard, that’s all.
I want her to realize … and said to her recently … it’s my job to make sure she grows up to be the best person she can be. Nothing short of that. And not by my standards, or society’s standards, schools, or her friends … but by her own standards and God’s standards. I want Taylor to be the best Taylor she can be. Does that make any sense?
I haven’t given this kid a lot of credit. Honestly, I didn’t trust her much. I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I never trusted myself much, and I figured she’d be the same as me.
I don’t think I had a great head on my shoulders. I cared too much about what people thought of me. I tried to hard to have people like me. I did things I shouldn’t have. I disobeyed. I fell short.
I assumed my kid would be the same.
But this kid isn’t. She really isn’t.
I don’t want to be naive to think that will never change. I sure pray like crazy that it doesn’t. I cover her in prayer almost everyday. But … what I’ve realized is that … I can’t live for the future, in that, she might do something wrong. She might make a bad choice. She might do something that would cause me to not trust her.
I need to honor who she is right now.
And right now … she’s a pretty great kid.
I think she has a strong set of values. I think she’s got a great understanding of what she stands for … and doesn’t bow to anything less.
She obeys. For the most part. ;) And believe me, some of my “rules” are a little crazy. Even I’ll admit that. But yet on other things, I try to be pretty flexible. Give and take, right? Pick your battles and all that?
I think if there’s one key piece of advice I have for raising a teen {or a kid for that matter} … it’s to listen. Really listen to what they’re saying. Don’t react. But listen. Ask questions and listen.
I have all sorts of things I pray about for Taylor … and recently, I gave her a prayer journal of her own. She was going through some hard times, so I told her to write down some of her problems in the form of prayer requests. And that way, as she saw God begin to answer her prayers, she could see and feel Him working in her life.
A couple of weeks after I gave her the journal, I found it thrown on her floor {amidst hurricane Taylor}. I picked it up and thought my usual negative thought {that I’m certain she didn’t write in it} as I thumbed through it … and to my absolute surprise, I found she had, in fact, been writing in it.
And not only was she writing in it … blagh … tears now … she was praying for the same things in her life that I’ve been praying for, for her.
I had no idea.
No idea that she is working to better herself. That she wants more for herself.
I think we see our teens {or kids} just going along status quo and you wonder if they see any bigger picture … anything outside of themselves.
I had no idea that, yes … in fact, she does see outside of her own little world.
I love, love, love this girl something fierce! I recently tweeted that I’m so proud of Tay … not because of what she’s done, but because of who she is. I think it’s so important that, as parents, we recognize who our children are.
There are two songs I’d like to share in this post. The first … I used to sing it to Taylor when she was younger. I don’t know if she remembers or not, but she’d ask me to sing it to her. When I got remarried, I had it played at our wedding and after the father/daughter dance with my dad, I danced with Taylor to this song …
I think it’s beautiful and I wish this for her … to my very core, I wish this for her:
I Hope You Dance
:: Lee Ann Womack ::
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
:: chorus ::
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they’re worth taking
Lovin’ might be a mistake
But it’s worth making
Don’t let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
:: chorus ::
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
And the second song … equally as beautiful and I pray she soaks up each and every word.
For probably the last year or so, I pretty much only listen to Christian music. That is unless the teen is in the car and we have a little family jam session! ;)
Anyway … it’s been in my heart to share a song each week with you. One that lifts me up … encourages me … and I hope will encourage you. Something to help you start your own little inspirational playlist!
I find when I fill my heart and mind with these songs, the Lord sends me the song or words I need … right when I need them.
So anyway … I thought I could also use this song as the first in our little playlist series … whadda think? Good idea?
So yeah … this is just an awesome song and I’m dedicating it to my newly aged 15 year old!
Tay,
Be strong in the Lord. Never give up hope.
God’s got His hand on you, and He already
is doing great things in your life.
And I’m excited to watch you continue to
grow into them.
Happy Birthday baby …
The Words I Would Say
:: Sidewalk Prophets ::
Three in the morning,
And I’m still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I’d say,
If we were face to face,
I’d tell you just what you mean to me,
I’d tell you these simple truths,
:: chorus ::
Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You’re going to do great things,
I already know,
God’s got His hand on you so,
Don’t live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don’t forget why you’re here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,
Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I’ve already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,
:: chorus ::
From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,
:: chorus ::
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say
:: subscribe to {tsj} photography ::
your tears???? my tears!!! well put. tay is amazing as are you, my friend!!!
Alright . . . thanks for making me cry at work! ;-) FWIW . . . I think you’re meeting and exceeding your goals for Tay and for yourself as a parent! I’ve always said, “I don’t want to be the mom of a teenager. I *remember* being a teenager! It wasn’t pretty.” So I understand why you might be worried about Taylor falling into the same sort of traps that we did at that age. (I was guilty of the same things you described!) But it truly seems that she’s so much more self-aware and internally strong — all thanks to her wonderful Momma!
well said my friend, well said. you are both blessed to have each other…
she’s a beautiful girl…inside & out! I think you’re doing a great job momma!
Tracie, your words always touch me to my very core. How do you do that? As a step-mom trying to do the best by her step-daughters I empathize with many of your emotions. Jordan will turn 15 on Tuesday & we’ve been dealing with some normal teenage issues (attitude & such). Nothing life threatening but somehow in my mind I’ve made it out to be that’s she’s on this awful path. Sure, she does have some growing to do and I’m sad to say that the parenting she gets at home (which is away from us) is not the most ideal. She’s loved but she’s allowed to be someone less than she is. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I was already all full of emotion reading about Taylor & your wishes, hopes, and dreams for her when I saw what song you used to sing to her. This is the song that helped me heal after I lost my best friend in a car accident as I felt those were the words he’d say to me if he could (it also inspired the tattoo I have on my ankle – the chinese symbol for “dance”). Seeing it on your blog & understanding how much that song meant to you is just another reason that you were put in my life for a reason. Words truly cannot express how blessed I feel to have found your blog and that we have connected from that.
Congrats to you for raising a beautiful daughter that wants more for herself & can see outside herself even at this tender & confusing age. I hope one day I brings not only a meeting for you and me but also for our kids. Your influence has greatly helped me and I know your kids could be a great influence on my step-kids.
BTW – that picture of you and Taylor at your wedding is absolutely lovely!
Tracie, you make me want to be a better person, a better Mom.
You truly are an amazing Mom! Tay is a beautiful, kind and a strong young lady… She is lucky to have you…you’re lucky to have each other.
I wish I would have read this post earlier this morning…I know I would have handled a situation a little differently. Its never too late to make changes, right?
Thank you for another inspirational post.
thats really lovely tracie !
I remember a while back you wrote a post about each one of your girls… and I recall how the description you gave of Taylor so much reminded me of my Jaeda. I loved reading this, and hearing what a beautiful young lady she’s become, and it gives me hope that JJ will also become a beautiful teenage girl not only on the outside, but the inside as well. Praise to you for doing such a great job raising what appear to be amazing kids!!!
Your Tay-Tay appears to be not only out-of-this world beautiful on the outside… but on the inside too. I can understand why you love her something FIERCE. That picture of you two dancing at your wedding gives me chills… what a blessing you have in your daughter!!!!
Love this post. What a beautiful gift to give your daughter. My oldest daughter’s name is also Taylor.
Such a beautiful post! I have a 15 yr. old daughter, too. I’ve often had the same fears that you’ve expressed. As moms, we try our best to bring them up as best we can…in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Deut.6:6-10), and leave the rest in God’s hands.
You have a beautiful daughter who is a blessing from above. :) I also love that song by Lee Ann Womack!
My husband is working a 24 hour shift and my babies are sick… I have spent a wonderful, albeit distracted, past hour or so reading through your posts. You write so beautifully and I have enjoyed them all but this one about your daughter really touched me – so very sweet!
I think it touched me so deeply because my son turned 2 today and I wrote him a birthday letter last evening and it is just so hard to put into words what one thinks about and feels for their child. You did a wonderful job!
As I read yor feelings and thoghts in your story about Tay Tay, I find tears running down my face why?… because as I read I saw me and my “Hannah”. She is like everything you said about your Tay tay. The way you view your daught”s well behavior and traits are so much the same. and your feelings about her is the same way I feel about my Hannah.This is a beautifl page.