I’ve been struggling lately. So many thoughts running through my mind, as I’m working hard at processing, making sense of, and overcoming them.
And guess what that means for you dear friends? A cerebral dump! Welcome to my stream-of-consciousness …
We all struggle with insecurity. And I’m certainly no stranger to it.
I know God puts us in places and on paths He plans for us. And most of the time, they’re situations where He wants us to grow.
To that end … I’m feeling so blessed to be a part of the @modsquadmoms team … but at the same time, not feeling worthy enough, spiritual enough, holy enough, wordsmithy enough.
And I feel like these feelings are stifling me in my blog writing here. I’m feeling a bit lost in my purpose here. Well … that, and I really want to be purposeful about what I’m writing. Sometimes I feel I need to pull something outta my bootie to write about, just to have a post. Just to keep up numbers readers.
As I’ve been struggling with all of this, God’s put some great material in front of me to think about. Like this post {yep! I sure have been guilty of that}.
I mentioned in a recent post that I was enjoying summer break with my girls and that I wouldn’t be posting daily. Some misread that I wouldn’t be posting at all this summer {hold your tongues! I could never do that! :)}. But there was one comment in particular that I really took to heart … Stef said, “I have had it on my heart to step away from trying to keep up with the ‘instant’ stuff – and focus on intentional parenting rather than intentional blogging.”
Intentional parenting … something Amy laid on my heart with this post and really had me mediating on what intentional parenting looks like and feels like for me. And … if, I am, in fact intentional parenting … or merely reactive parenting.
So simultaneously, I’m pondering Amy’s post … I get Stef’s comment … and I read a post from Stef titled “restless heart be calm.” Oh, it’s a good one and mirrors my heart exactly.
I’m rambling on here, and even I’m having a hard time keeping up … are you still with me? See? I told you I was struggling! ;)
Okay … back to MODsquad for a moment … I know it’s the enemy getting in there and telling me I’m not good enough. And in the process has been able to get a hold of my blogging spirit {if you will}, and caused me to lose myself. Question myself.
So what’d I do? Sent off a note to a friend. Who in turn, inspired the heck out of me and helped me remember … God’s made me who I am for a reason.
He’s given me a voice. My voice.
He’s given me a story. My story.
And now He’s given me a platform to share it on.
What have I done from the time I started my blog? I’ve kept it real. The good. The bad. The ugly. And I truly believe that through it all, I’ve been able to inspire others.
I’m real. I’m just like you. I’m not perfect. And I don’t want to be.
So … where does all this rambling leave me?
I’ve spent the last couple of weeks really thinking about my parenting {and I hope to share these thoughts with you next week}. And I’ve also been thinking about my blogging. And my priorities. I’m thinking during the summer months, I’ll be spending more time with the kids. Some times I’m guilty of living our life to blog about it and in the process miss out on the living part of it!
Gosh … I feel like I still have a hundred more thoughts, but they’re all over the place and I really shouldn’t carry on any longer!
I wrote this post earlier in the week and have scheduled it for today. But on this day … I’m somewhere in the middle of Canada on a lake in the middle of no where … fishing! Without electricity, a toilet, or heat.
But I’m bringing my girls, my bible and a notebook … oh! and CJ!
Thank you for encouraging me. All of you have been such a blessing. Such an untold blessing … thank you for letting me share my heart with you.
In some small way, I feel like I’m, once again, starting a new chapter in my life. I’m not sure where it’s leading … but I sure know who the Author is!
And that, my friends, is exciting stuff!
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what to say after ALL of that?! i think you are on the right track, His track! and this girl thinks you are fantastic, so tuck away that self doubt! love to you today as you process… and fish! hope you catch one!
I think you are saying what many of us mothers are feeling…wonderful post and it speaks so deeply to me…bless you for keeping it real!!!
I think it is so amazing that so many of us are feeling the same. I think that we are all in this together to make us even better mothers. We are helping each other to open our eyes to putting Him first , our family second and then a platform to share it third. It is when we put our platform above the first two that we start to really struggle. So blessed to be on this journey with you! Hope you are having a blast in the middle of nowhere.
so I stop by and think – she’s such a beautiful woman and then read this post and think – she has such a beautiful heart. Not only thank you for mentioning pathetic rambling me – but for seeing & hearing HIS heart. You are one special lady – I so enjoy your blog, however often you update – honey, I’ll be here!
thank you!!
be safe on this freezing, dark, fishy trip of yours!!
Thank you for your transparency. I love that you are so real; know what I mean? As far as your post being all over the place…..I totally get it. That is how I tend to communicate. My mom is the same way. My hubs can’t really follow our conversations sometimes but we “get it” and I “get” you too. Does any of this even make sense? I don’t know, but thanks for sharing your heart.
Thank you for being real. This spoke to my heart.
Beautiful the mess we are….is better than a hallelujah. —Amy Grant
He has you right where He wants you! And I’m honored to be on the journey with you!
that was a lot of reading my friend (but great writing by you and the posts you referenced)…whew! but a great topic and awesome to read & process it all. thanks for sharing your heart!
you are beautiful inside and out.
after reading all the previous comments there is really nothing more I can add. (i’m terrible with words anyway)
great post! and thanks for sharing your heart
I know what you mean. I got involved with something every Friday, so I’ve been posting non-stop. Tomorrow is my last Friday soooo next week I’m taking a break!! To play with the boys, just like you!
I hope you’re having an amazing time in Canada! I absolutely love it there! Catch something for me!
Oh honey…your words are written so beautifully. I face the same struggles. There are days I want to shut it all down and walk away, to remember the real reason I love what I do, to concentrate less on reaching out to a virtual world and more on the amazing people who are in my here and now. However, I would’ve never have met so many beautiful people (including the lovely you) had I done so…so in many ways it’s also a blessing. I think it’s about finding balance which I haven’t yet achieved so this post really touches me. Sending you big hugs and thank you for being so incredibly amazing. xo
What I love most about YOU and your blog is that your heart is so open to GOD. I can see the ways God is using you to touch other lives and it is such an amazing thing to watch!!! Your voice, your heart and your love comes shining through here—-thank you, as always, for sharing YOU here.
i love you
I have fallen in love with your realness! I can’t quit reading. I am new to your blog, but your words stir my heart and inspire me! I am glad that you have shared.