teenagers!!! {sigh of frustration}

How is it, that I can wake Taylor up in the morning, get myself in the shower, dressed and completely ready … then go to her room only to find out she’s still in the shower?  Was I ever that frustrating?  :)
This is my little girl.  Taylor Rio Stier.  Named after the Duran Duran song, “Rio.”  The best baby ever.  Sweet, easy, loving …

And this is my teenage girl.  She frustrates me, she challenges me, she questions me, she drives me crazy, and she makes me question my skills as a mother on a daily basis.  But …

She loves me.  And I love her … dearly.

We were having a conversation the other day about moms.  She asked if I thought so & so, or so & so were good mothers.  I told her I couldn’t answer that, and that I could only answer for myself.  Because one day, I would stand before God and have to answer to the ‘calls’ I made while raising her.  And that I’m doing the best I know how.
She got all wide-eyed and incredulous looking … she said, “You’re doing a great job mom.”  And she meant it …
She sent me a text last night saying that she loves me {she was staying at a friends house}.  We text each other 143 {how many letters spell out each word in ‘I love you’}.  I text back that her note meant the world to me and I love her too. 
Her text back?  “I really do mom …”  {sigh … and tears}
I realize she may not always feel this way.  And I realize that I frustrate her, I challenge her, I question her, and I drive her crazy on a daily basis.  But I also realize she loves me this way right now, and I’ll take it for all it’s worth.
When Taylor was younger, I had so many expectations of her.  Unfair expectations, really.  I remember sitting in an introduction to Kindergarten {only parents}, and we had to go around the room saying what we are proud of our child for.  I started sweating bullets, because I honestly couldn’t think of something I was proud of.
Taylor has dealt with a lot in her short life.  I won’t go into the details, but I believe some of these things make up who she is today … which is sort of a sullen, quiet, shy, withdrawn {in a sense} kind of girl.
I would see friends that were outgoing, cheerful, not bashful and think, “why can’t Taylor be like that?”
I remember once she had on a pair of pants that were far too short.  I wanted her to change into something more presentable {in my opinion}.  She started crying as she went to her room and yelled, “you just want me to be perfect.”  Oh, how that struck me!  I listened.
My girls now wear pretty much what they please.  Even if that means they wear pj’s to church!  :)
There were two other turning points in my relationship with Taylor …
1) I saw a video sermon in Sunday school that talked about parenting.  He was listing 10 important facts in parenting.  The last one was:  Believe the best in your children.  Simple as that.
Unfortunately, I’ve grown a bit untrusting as I’ve gotten older.  And in my need of not wanting Taylor to ever ‘pull a fast one on me,’ I didn’t trust her.  I didn’t take her at face value.  I believed the worst before I believed the best.
I’ve tried to change that.  Not completely … I’m not naive enough to think she’s never going to lie {Lord knows I’ve already been proven wrong}.  But I believe our children need to know we’ve ‘got their backs.’  When no one else in this world believes them, they can trust that we do.
And number 2) I also had a deep desire for Taylor to respect me.  Not talk back to me.  Not sass, etc.  And I was very uptight about it.  She asked me once, “why can’t you just joke around a little?”  She gave me some examples.  And I listened.
I still don’t tolerate straight out disrespect.  But I try to have a little fun in our relationship.  Loosen up a bit, if you will.
Most importantly … I believe in parenting, we need to listen to our children.  Really listen.  Not be distracted, busy, rushed.
But focused, directed, engaged.  When I can look into my child’s eyes and know exactly what’s going on in there … then I’ll know I’m the parent God wants me to be.  And that I listened …

4 Comments

  1. Amy Schaal December 13, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    Trac, this is such a beautiful post that really speaks to all parents. Thank you, 1,000 times.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous December 13, 2008 at 8:20 pm

    You are an incredible and wise woman. Thanks for sharing what you have learned {in this post and all your others}.

    Reply
  3. Gretchen December 15, 2008 at 3:53 am

    Taylor sounds like my daughter. Middle school and high school were a challenge. She was shy and kept a bit to herself. She is now a sophomore in college and she is so out going. She found her place to shine. She and I have been though a lot from a really horrible divorce to a move to Chicago from California. We are the best of friends. We talk all the time through texts and IM’s.

    Reply
  4. Melissa Multitasking Mama March 5, 2010 at 8:19 am

    Slowing down and enjoying the moments are harder for some reason as they get older..thanks for the reminder!

    Reply

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